Moving Toward or Away From

One of my friends spent years trying not to be hurt. A relationship had ended badly and left him, as he put it, with a bleeding heart. He was constantly moving away from that relationship while at the same time trying to find a new one. When I asked him what he wanted, he said “someone who won’t hurt me like the last time.” He had a few relationships after that. None of them lasted, because he was always scanning for the thing he was running from.

Then we sat down and made a different list: what he wanted to give into a relationship and what he hoped to get. The list held only what he wanted, with nothing on it about what he did not want. He is happily married today, to a woman who checks every item on that list and adds a few he never thought to write down. The women he met did not change. His direction did, from away to toward.

Two directions, two kinds of customer

Some people move toward what they want, and some move away from what hurts. Logic says moving away from one thing means moving toward another, but it does not always work that way. A lot of people move away from what hurts, hit a comfortable spot, and stop. They never actually arrive anywhere. Others fix a destination and will not stop until they reach it.

Your customers do this too, and it changes what they are buying. The homeowner who calls a roofer because the ceiling is stained is moving away from a problem. They want the leak gone, the worry gone, the water gone. The homeowner who calls because they are putting the house on the market next spring and want it to show well is moving toward something. Same roof. Two entirely different purchases.

If you give the away-from customer a speech about curb appeal and resale value, you will watch their eyes glaze. They are not there. They are in the attic with a flashlight. If you give the toward customer a list of everything that could go wrong if they wait, you have just made them anxious about a project they were excited about. Neither is a bad customer. You simply pointed them in the wrong direction.

How to tell which one is in front of you

Listen to the first thing they say. Away-from people tell you what they want to stop, fix, avoid or get rid of. “I’m sick of…” “I can’t keep…” “The last guy…” Toward people tell you what they want to have, reach or become. “We’d love to…” “I’ve been picturing…” “By next year I want…” Ask “what made you start looking into this now?” and the direction usually comes out in the first sentence.

Then match it. For the away-from customer, take the problem seriously first. Acknowledge it plainly, tell them how you will make it stop, and give them relief before you give them options. For the toward customer, get interested in where they are going. Ask about the finished picture and build your proposal around getting them there. In my experience most owners have a natural direction of their own, and they sell that direction to everyone. If you are a toward person, you probably under-serve the worried ones. If you are an away-from person, you probably drain the excitement out of the dreamers.

Where this shows up in your marketing

Most advertising by small businesses is written in one direction, usually the owner’s. “Tired of unreliable contractors?” is away-from. “Build the backyard you’ve been dreaming of” is toward. There is nothing wrong with either. The mistake is only ever using one, because you are talking to half the room. A good piece of marketing often does both in sequence: it names the pain, then turns toward what is possible. Nothing tricky about it: it is the same turn I helped my friend make with his list.

And be honest with yourself about the away-from message. It is easy to write, because fear gets attention, and it can bring in customers who only ever call when something is on fire. Those are fine customers. Some of them will leave for a cheaper fix once the fear passes. The customers who plan ahead with you tend to stay, so track your own repeat rate to see whether that holds for you.

This week

Pull up your last ten quotes or inquiries and write “away” or “toward” next to each name, based on what they said first. Mark your website homepage and your most-used ad the same way. If all ten customers and all your marketing point the same direction, you have found the half of the market you are not talking to. Write one new headline in the missing direction.

Sorting the list and rewriting a headline takes an hour or two and costs nothing. Learning to hear the direction live, in the first thirty seconds of a phone call, takes a few weeks of paying attention.